10 possible names for San Antonio’s new football franchise – mySA

With roots in the professional wrestling world, the alternative football league was appropriately purchased for $15 million by former WWE champion Dwayne “the Rock” Johnson after the league’s failed comeback run in 2020. The league’s latest iteration will kickoff in February 2023.

We know that San Antonio’s team will be coached by former Pittsburgh Steelers wide receiver and Super Bowl XL MVP Hines Ward. Yet we don’t yet know other details, such as the team name. 

There’s undeniably a lot to consider when naming a team: the merchandise, the mascot, and most of all you want the name to make sense. Here are 10 possible routes I think the XFL can take when naming the City of  San Antonio’s new athletic branch. 

No. 1: The Bexar County Bexars

This one is obvious. San Antonio exists within the boundaries of Bexar County. The name is not only unique in the landscape of team names, but true to our insider sense of identity. It also provides merchandising directions that promote precious cartoon bears. The young ositos in your life will grow up fond of the adorable “Bexar the Bear” mascot. 

Not only that, but San Antonio tourism is built on the backs of our hardworking food and beverage industry workers. The popularity of chef-forward Hulu original The Bear is notable when considering the brand. 

It’s an intuitive choice. Admittedly, everything from here is more of stretch. 

No. 2: The San Antonio Heat Indexes

Right, I’m being goofy here, but I have not encountered a team with this  name, not even in a traditionally “hot” city. 

I can picture the announcer now, after a successful touchdown: “That’s right folks, the heat indexes are on fire!!”

The fact of the matter is, San Antonio is primed to experience its hottest summer on record. Moving into the coming decades, climate change is a primary concern. Are we doing enough to prepare our city for the onslaught of potential changes that this new reality will bring? Will increasingly hot weather complicate the nature of “sport?”

Naming the new football team the San Antonio Heat Indexes will remind us of what is truly important, and hopefully encourage investment in our local environment. 

No. 3: The S.A. Ropers

The team is widely expected to take residence in the Eastside’s Alamodome, which kind of neighbors the AT&T Center, AKA the host of the annual Stock Show and Rodeo. In an homage to the city’s legacy of ranching, and the stadium’s working relationship to the rodeo community, why not name the new football team The San Antonio Ropers?  

This past rodeo season, I met a kind former cow roper named Reggie who leant me his Carhartt jacket in a time of need. I’d like to honor him by putting this one out into the ether. 

No. 4: The Dignowity Runners

The Alamodome, the team’s alleged future stomping ground, is situated on the city’s Far Eastside. Given this, it would make sense to name the team after an Eastside neighborhood, like Dignowity Hill

I imagine jealous foes of the team cursing them like this: “Those d**n Dignowity Runners are playing some real dirty ball!”

Seems pretty classic. 

Jim's Restaurants has many locations throughout the San Antonio area, including this one at Broadway and Loop 410.

Jim’s Restaurants has many locations throughout the San Antonio area, including this one at Broadway and Loop 410.

Chuck Blount/Staff

No. 5: The Jim Hasslocher Heroes 

The late Jim Hasslocher, the enterprising mind behind San Antonio-based diner chain Jim’s, as well as the novelty The Magic Time Machine restaurants, is an obvious choice for a namesake. I don’t even think a sponsorship deal would need to be involved. It simply has a nice ring to it and uplifts local business.  

It could also give the local chain a necessary boost. Imagine eating the Jim’s combo platter deals with your family on game night. 

No. 6: The XFL Freetails

This name is a nod to the colonies of adorable Mexican freetail bats who dwell within our city. This name would produce a great mascot and a line of bat-themed merchandise, plus potential in-house concessions collaborations with local brewery Freetail Brewing

Whoever the standout team all-star is might even enjoy the nickname “bat man.”

No. 7: The San Antonio Saints

I know this one is already claimed in a different league, but c’mon, our city is literally named after a saint. Many of our institutions and cultural conventions are defined by our Catholic heritage. It would make sense. 

David Robinson (50) of the Spurs shoots between Dominique Wilkins (21) and Charles Outlaw (6) of the Clippers on April 24, 1994 at the Los Angeles Memorial Sports Arena. David Robinson finished the game with 71 points to clinch the 1994 league scoring title.

David Robinson (50) of the Spurs shoots between Dominique Wilkins (21) and Charles Outlaw (6) of the Clippers on April 24, 1994 at the Los Angeles Memorial Sports Arena. David Robinson finished the game with 71 points to clinch the 1994 league scoring title.

Andrew D. Bernstein /Getty Images file

No. 8: The S.A. Admirals

This name provides a one-two-punch of resonance. A reference to San Antonio Spurs legend David “The Admiral” Robinson, the name would pay reverence to the already established and beloved sports franchise embedded within our city. If investors ever decided to sneakily relocated the Spurs to Austin (not that they are) it would help preserve the basketball franchise’s San Antonio legacy. An Admiral being a respected position in the armed forces that be, this name would also acknowledge the city’s status as “Military City USA.”

No. 9: The San Antonio Roses

This one is for the girls. A reference to the classic country song by the inimitable Patsy Cline, this name offers beautiful merchandise design potential and for the diehard fans: a rose really suits the American traditional tattoo format. 

A threatening reminder to the team’s opponents: let us not forget that all roses have thorns.

No. 10: The Pee-wee Hermans

San Antonio media junkies can’t get enough of that time Pee-wee Herman pilgrimaged to the Alamo in search of his bicycle in 1985’s Pee-wee’s Big Adventure. We seem to have the “never forget” mentality when it comes to local shout outs in films. 

Here in San Antonio we love our self referential trivia and history, so this name could make sense. Maybe we don’t need the team to take itself that seriously. Levity is important. 

The mascot could be a silly man riding around the field during half-time on a big red bicycle. 

Why not? 

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