Sara Matherne’s TikTok has racked up millions of views, but it’s what others are sharing in the comments that have turned the post into a communal space.
SAN ANTONIO — It wasn’t the first TikTok she’d posted about her son since his passing last year, nor was it the first one that spread beyond her modest follower count.
But after Sara Matherne of Schertz shared a short TikTok one recent Sunday evening of her son, Avery Matherne, she says she was stunned to discover how many would go on to see it in the coming days.
“On Monday we took my younger son to drop him off at college,” Matherne said. “I looked at my phone and said, ‘Hey, I think I’m going viral.’”
The video shows Avery briefly smiling at the camera before blowing out the candles on a cake sitting in front of him. The date is September 2023 and it’s his 18th birthday. Avery’s wearing his military fatigues; snacks are laid out on a table in the foreground of the video. He would graduate basic training the next day.
“Heaven be kind to my baby boy, because his mind turned against him,” reads text overlaid over the video. The TikTok’s caption: “Avery forever19.”
Sara says Avery took his own life on Oct. 24, 2024. He was 19 years old.
‘Hubby’s mind did the same’
The TikTok was posted the evening of Aug. 17, and by the next day had amassed between 100,000 and 200,000 views.
Another week later, it stood at 2.5 million views. Before this post, the only TikTok that had gotten any real viral traction for Sara peaked at about 12,000.
It isn’t the number of people who have watched the TikTok that stands out to Sara Matherne, however, so much as what many hundreds of them also mourning loved ones who died while serving in the military are commenting.
“my brother will show him around,” said one TikTok user on the video, named Heather, sharing a photo of a man in his military uniform. “he’s been there since 2011, im sure he knows a few good spots!”
“My husband will make sure he always has a buddy to talk to,” commented another user, Tris, along with a photo of a young man deployed with the Army.
“My fiance is up there ready to joke with him,” commented Chelles, accompanied by a picture of a man smiling for the camera in his military attire.
Among the post’s more than 4,500 comments, the top-liked ones like these all share similar pictures and sentiments—ones about siblings, spouses, relatives, or close friends lost while in the military or after serving. They’ve turned Matherne’s simple video into a digital space for communal solidarity.
“Hey, hubby’s mind did the same,” TikTok user Emily said. “He’s in the best company with a fellow vet. Sending love and prayers.”
“There were a lot of people that were just, their sons (went through) the exact same situation,” Matherne said. “That’s what really stood out to me: They’re 19 years old, they join the military and, just like my TikTok says, their minds turned against them. It really struck me how many young men are joining the military and having the same exact thing happen to them.”
Some TikTok users have reached out to her directly, including a young girl whose uncle died in a similar way. Another man, a National Guard sergeant who races cars, told Matherne he wanted to memorialize Avery by putting his name in vinyl on his car.
Ten months after his passing, Matherne says her family is still in the grieving process. She remembers her son – a Clemens High School alumnus who joined the military in July 2023 – as a sweet, honest kid who had just started to enter adulthood.
Asked about her favorite memory of Avery, Matherne goes back to that five-second moment captured in a TikTok post now seen by millions.
“Going to see him graduate from basic was a big thing; it was a turning point in his life. We were just so proud of him,” she says. “But when I look back, I guess I still see him as my baby.”
An ongoing crisis, an evolving conversation
According to a 2024 study by the Department of Defense, 523 U.S. military service members died by suicide in 2023, including 363 active troops. That number was up from the previous two years – and has gradually risen since 2011 – although the number of those in the Reserves and National Guard who died by suicide went down.
Male service members in their 20s, the study found, are likelier to take their own life than other active military demographics. The numbers are worse for those who have finished their service; the Department of Veterans Affairs says more than 6,400 veterans took their own life in 2022 alone.
Tom Spooner knows all too intimately what it’s like to battle mental and emotional hardship while in the military. He joined the Army as a young man in 1990, and soon saw conflict in the Gulf War. While he managed to accomplish the tasks assigned to him, struggles with alcoholism exacerbated difficulties in his personal life before he sought help for the first time.
In 2010, Spooner found himself struggling again, largely because of a traumatic brain injury he says had gone undiagnosed until that point.
“My second time to seek help, I welcomed it,” Spooner said. “I had gone past the point of, in my own power, being able to fix the things I needed to fix.”
He would retire in 2011, capping a 21-year Army career in which he was deployed 12 times.
A few years later, he found his second calling. Teaming up with his wife and another couple, he moved to Texas to start Warriors Heart, an organization aimed at helping other military members, veterans and first responders whose battles are being worsened by substance abuse.
“The idea is that if we can address the chemical dependency, if we can address this substance use, then in theory we won’t get to that suicide moment if we can catch it further upstream,” Spooner said.
Warriors Heart, based in Bandera, functions as an inpatient treatment center where those needing help are serviced by a licensed chemical dependency counselor and a licensed trauma counselor. According to Spooner, the behavior health and substance abuse aspects often tie in together when it comes to working to reduce suicide risk.
Since starting the organization in April 2016, Warriors Heart has helped more than 3,600 individuals—about half of them from Texas, but some patients have come from their stations in countries like Germany or Japan. The average patient, Spooner says, is 34 years old with about 11 years on the job.
“It’s not your normal profession,” he said, referring to the “moral injury” that first responders and service members have to cope with. “It’s very unique in what you’re exposed to and what you experience on a daily basis.”
Those who come to Warriors Heart typically stay for 42 days, with flexibility for longer care timelines as needed. It allows patients not only to heal with the help of licensed experts, but with each other. Spooner, drawing from personal experience, said that peer network is crucial.
In 2023, Warriors Heart opened its second facility in Virginia.
“It really comes down to humans that are just trying to assist other humans, (make) their lives better,” Spooner said. “People think it can’t be that simple, that it’s very hard. But it is that simple.”
If you or a warrior need help with drug or alcohol addiction, PTSd or co-occurring issues, you can contact Warriors Heart’s 24-hour hotline (866-955-4035) answered by warriors and/or visit https://warriorsheart.com/connect. Others in need of help right away can also call the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline.